


Every Question Starts Without an Answer

by Naturestar44



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Chan as Chris, Chris the main intellectual, College AU, Felix as world's most perfect human?, M/M, a lot of writing about lips, changbin being relatable, drive save kids, sleep-deprived revelations, this is just some quality Changbin-centered content, watermelons (but not actually), you wouldn't even believe the story behind this fic if I told you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:07:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21784939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naturestar44/pseuds/Naturestar44
Summary: "Binnie, have you ever wondered what it would be like to kiss me?"aka Changbin finally realises exactly how oblivious he's been for 4 years and decides he's wasted enough time already and ends up breaking like 50 driving laws (drive safe kids)
Relationships: Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 99





	Every Question Starts Without an Answer

Changbin’s elbow slipped off his desk, his head dropping dangerously close to the cold surface below before he pulled it back up in shock.

He looked around to make sure no one had witnessed him almost face-plant into his desk. Luckily everyone else was too focused on ignoring their teacher’s lecture on the first amendment to notice Changbin’s momentary lapse in head-propping ability. Changbin sighed and readjusted his hand underneath his cheek, positioning it so as to best match up with the lingering warmth it had left on his face. 

The cause for his initial alarm wasn’t sitting in one of the desks around him. Instead it was something his brain had conjured up from the last dregs of his cheap morning coffee and the all-nighter he had pulled to finish his biology lab. It was a deadly combination with side effects such as an inability to focus, a higher chance of falling asleep in class, face-planting, and an inability to ignore things you’ve been repressing for years.

The first couple of side effects were well-known to Changbin. The face-planting was a new discovery; one he would be sure to include in his future plans to avoid being caught daydreaming in class. As for the inability to ignore what you’ve been trying to for years… well. Changbin wasn’t too sure what to do about that one.

It was the last side effect that left him so rattled he forgot to pack his pencil and notebook into his backpack before leaving class at the bell. In his confused, sleep-deprived state of mind, it took him twenty minutes of backtracking to successfully return said notebook and pencil to their rightful places in his backpack. It was that last side effect that had him stumbling into walls, bumping into students, and accidentally walking to his class on Peace and Justice during his lunch hour. 

To understand the full effect and context of the daydream that had left Changbin struggling, more than usual, to function as a normal human being, we have to rewind four years. 

Four years ago when Changbin was a short, scrawny tenth grader with more pimples than friends. He, disappointingly, hadn’t grown much since then, but at least his acne had disappeared. 

Tenth grade was the year Changbin met a transfer student for the first time. Transfer students were rare in Changbin’s neck of the woods, so Felix immediately became an oddity in Changbin’s quaint high school life. 

The second Felix stepped through the door with his perfectly tanned skin and face freckled to perfection was the day Changbin realized everyone else around him was boring. He had gone to school with the same people since day one. In his small town, a trip to the grocery store meant making awkward eye contact with about ten of his peers and their mothers. 

Felix was a breath of fresh air in Changbin’s stale life, and the second Felix walked in the door, Changbin was already destined to be his best friend.

“Soulmates,” Felix would giggle to Changbin when recounting the day they first met. Changbin would always scoff and make some comment about Felix not knowing Changbin well enough to stay away, but on the inside his heart warmed to hear how instantly Felix had welcomed him into his heart.

Changbin and Felix were the dynamic duo of their high school. Everyone knew everyone, but  _ everyone _ knew Changbin and Felix, Felix and Changbin. One didn’t go in a sentence without the other. People used to place bets on how long they could go without each other. When one fell sick, the other would always be sent home complaining of a “stomach ache.” 

The longest Changbin ever went without seeing Felix was the summer after tenth grade when Felix went back home to Australia for a whole month. When Felix came back his skin was one shade tanner, but his eyes were ten shades darker. Changbin would never forget what Felix had told him as he was wrapped in a hug that seemed to go on forever.

“I left to go home, but I ended up realizing I’d left it behind all along.”

After that summer, the two only left each other’s side in life or death situations… and when their class schedules didn’t match up. They told each other everything, even when they worried the other would hate them for it.

Changbin remembers one particular day spent sobbing in Felix’s arms. The freckled boy had comforted him for hours, whispering reassurances that he could never and would never hate Changbin. 

“Even if you stole my hot Cheetos, Binnie,” Felix had promised, “you’ll still be my best friend. You being gay would never change how I see you. You can’t hate your  _ soulmate _ .”

The last word had been said in a teasing tone of voice, a feeble attempt to bring a smile back to Changbin’s face. In the end Changbin did smile, but only because he had managed to find such a wonderful friend. He still refused to outwardly accept the term “soulmate.” It was the principle of thing.

“Hey Bin, you okay there?”

A voice snapped Changbin back into the present, and he looked up to find his friend Chris standing over him, his brow crinkled in concern. 

“Oh hey Chris, what’s up?” Changbin asked, adjusting his backpack straps, noticing that the hallways had cleared of students. Classes must have started while he was daydreaming again. 

“I just finished talking with my professor about the project he assigned me for honors. You know how it goes, vague instructions and you making up half the directions yourself. He wouldn’t give me any more guidance, just said I needed to ‘trust my gut’ like it’s good for anything other than telling me when I need my next meal.”

“Anyways, I was just headed toward our usual spot when I saw you. Why were you standing in the middle of an empty hallway staring at the wall like an idiot?” As Chris rambled he started walking down the hallway, and Changbin struggled to keep up with his quick steps and quicker tongue. 

“I was just lost in thought I guess. Forgot where I was,” Changbin muttered sheepishly. 

As Chris and Changbin made their way to the picnic tables, they kept up their conversation. It was mostly small talk about which teachers were piling on homework and which friends were being particularly annoying that week.

Lunch passed in a blur of flying french fries and loud laughter. Unlike him, Changbin’s friends were rather… obnoxious. They preferred the term “unlikely to care about other people’s judgements.” Changbin refused to use that term for obvious reasons.

Changbin doesn’t remember anything his friends talked about during lunch because his mind was preoccupied with that daydream he’d had in class. 

It had only taken twenty minutes of his professor’s monotonous voice to reach peak imagination levels. Changbin had nothing against his professor, it was just that he had this low, gravely voice that was the perfect pitch to send any student to sleep no matter how much caffeine they had ingested.

Once Changbin reached dreamland, there was little hope of escaping it. 

Today he had daydreamed about Felix. That was nothing unusual, the freckled Australian often starred in his daydreams if only for the fact that he was the person Changbin spent the most time with. Statistically speaking, Felix had the greatest chance of being selected by the ballot run by Changbin’s brain. However, today’s daydream had been different.

Changbin’s all-nighter in combination with the low tones of his professor’s voice sent him into a much deeper daydream than usual. His sense of reality had been next to none. The kinds of daydreams that came when Changbin was at his deepest state of subconsciousness were the ones that weren’t afraid to reflect the truths Changbin refused to acknowledge in his conscious mind.

In this case Changbin had found himself sitting next to Felix on a park bench. Felix had been munching on a handful of hot Cheetos, telling Changbin about his favorite places to go when he lived in Australia. Felix had gone on and on about the arcades and malls he used to visit, the claw game he could never win, and the annual carnival he would attend (only to scarf down as many churros as he possibly could), when suddenly he had paused and turned to Changbin.

His eyes narrowed in a rare look of seriousness as he set down his Cheetos, lifted his finger, and opened his mouth to say… 

“Binnie have you ever wondered what it would be like to kiss me?”

It was this line that had Changbin nearly face-planting to his death in a classroom with seventeen other students and one low-voiced professor. It was this line that had Changbin forgetting his schedule and staring at a wall until Chris had bumped into him.

It was this line that had his heart beating, his palms sweating, and his arms shaking as he tried to maintain a weak facade of sanity as he said goodbye to his friends and left for his last class of the day.

Peace and Justice was Changbin’s largest class. With sixty other students and a prime seat in the back row, Changbin knew he could easily get away with tuning out today’s lecture. He had more important things to learn, like why he was daydreaming about Felix asking him about kissing, or why the thought of kissing his best friend of four years  _ didn’t _ have him retching in the nearest bathroom. Such subjects were much more important than “our self-identity and how it influences our social interactions” or whatever was written on the board in the front of the classroom.

Kissing Felix… Changbin was sure he’d never considered it before. But he did now. He thought about that one time he’d overheard a couple of girls gushing over Felix.

_ “His freckles are like constellations, I just want to draw shapes in them with my markers.” _

_ “His lips are so perfect, it’s like God spent an extra week on him compared to me.” _

_ “Oh my gosh, yes, his lips are beautiful.” _

At the time Changbin had shuddered and hurried on, slipping in his earbuds to hopefully erase any chance of those words sticking in his memory.

Now Changbin paused at them. Were Felix’s lips perfect? He didn’t think anyone’s lips could be perfect. Felix’s lips were bigger than most guys, was that it? Did girls have a thing for big lips? It sounded weird when he said it like that. 

Felix also had a perfect cupid’s bow. Changbin imagined pulling back the string and shooting an arrow straight up… into Felix’s nostrils.

Changbin shifted in his seat, shaking his head to clear the strange image before settling back down again.

Maybe he was looking at it too objectively. Maybe it wasn’t the size of Felix’s lips that was perfect. Maybe it was the way they fit in the context of his face. The way the ends quirked up with no hesitation, labelling Felix as a troublemaker by teachers from day one. Perhaps it was the way their sharp edges contrasted so directly with the curves of Felix’s face, his pudgy cheeks accentuated by the angles of his lips. Perhaps it was the way you wouldn’t expect to see such precise lines drawn onto a face with such a messy spattering of freckles.

Changbin thought maybe it was the way Felix’s lips _ startled _ that made them perfect. You didn’t expect them. They were a nice surprise of sorts, something unlooked for but certainly not unwanted.

It was the way Felix’s lips matched the edges of his eyes, how they curled up into a mischievous smile when he tickled Changbin or slid sideways into a smirk when he stole the last slice of pizza. It was how they thinned out when he beamed or grinned sheepishly. It was how small they looked when Felix pouted at being denied ice cream. It was how they were almost as pink as the watermelon Felix loved to eat during the summer, how they were so expressive Changbin didn’t even need to see the rest of Felix’s face to know what his best friend was feeling.

It was the way Changbin was finding it concerningly easier and easier to explain why Felix’s lips were perfect that had him snapping back to reality and squirming uncomfortably in his seat. What on earth did  _ that _ mean. Of course Changbin had noticed these things before, but he never paid them any attention. And now, after a single question from a fake-Felix addressed to a fake-Changbin, he was suddenly waxing poetic about his best friends  _ lips _ of all things.

_ “Binnie, have you ever wondered what it would be like to kiss me?” _

Imaginary-Felix’s voice wouldn’t leave Changbin’s head. There was only so much a guy could do in the middle of class with fifty-nine other students, especially when imaginary-Felix could whisper louder than the music Changbin played through his headphones. 

_ “Have you ever wondered… what it would be like to kiss me? To kiss me? To kiss me?” _

The words were echoing in Changbin’s mind, and he didn’t have the strength to will them away. What would it be like to kiss Felix?

It would be warm… probably. Two sets of lips belonging to bodies that were around 98°F. Yeah, that sounded pretty warm to Changbin. 

What would it be like to kiss Felix? Changbin didn’t even know what it would be like to kiss _ anybody _ . Felix’s lips were perfectly shaped though, so Changbin figured kissing him would be easy. It’s easy to do something when you’re given the best material to work with. He supposed that’s how it worked with kissing. Felix’s lip perfection must lend itself to kiss perfection as well.

… God he sounded like an  _ idiot _ . No, he sounded like a lovestruck pre-teen girl ranting to her best friends at a sleepover complete with fluffy pink unicorn plushies and pink glitter nail polish. 

_ “... kiss me?” _

The one thing Changbin could say about his idiocy was that it was consistent. It at least had that going for it. He tried to refocus on the lesson, but with imaginary-Felix echoing “kiss me, kiss me” in his head every seven seconds it was impossible.

He gave up after five minutes of pen-tapping, finger-fidgeting, foot-shaking anxiety, letting his thoughts wander where they would… which was apparently right back to Felix.

This time, however, Changbin wondered what it would be like if real-Felix asked Changbin for a kiss. Yesterday, that question would have had Changbin snorting and then guffawing his way to stomach-cramps as he fell into Felix at the force of his laughter. Today… Today....

Today, Changbin was pretty sure he would end up choking to death on the air he had been previously breathing. 

Today, Changbin would have to ask Felix if he was serious before assuming the boy was joking. 

Today, Changbin just might hope Felix  _ was _ being serious.

It was in the school parking lot that Changbin realized what all that _ really _ meant. It had him freezing on the spot, hand in mid-swing as his keys fell through the air and clattered very loudly on the asphalt. 

_ “Do you like Felix?” _

This time it was Chris’ voice that echoed through his head as an old memory dislodged itself from the dusty corners of his mind.

_ “What do you mean _ do I like Felix _ , what kind of absurd question is that? Of  _ course _ not, we’re best friends I don’t  _ like  _ him.” _

_ “You just look at him differently, that’s all.” _

_ “No I don’t.” _

_ “Yeah, you do. But if you don’t want to see that now, I’ll stay out of it.” _

Chris had walked away shaking his head in disappointment, leaving a younger Changbin standing alone in confusion. It was a stark contrast to the older Changbin that was now standing alone with suddenly much _ , much _ more knowledge than he had possessed a second ago. 

Oh.

_ Oh _ .

He liked Felix.

He wasn’t sure what to do with that information. He felt like every molecule in his body had shifted one millimeter to the left. It was such a small change, but its significance was colossal.

His world felt twisted inside out, or perhaps he had finally clawed his way to the surface and escaped the pit of obliviousness he’d been stuck in for four years. It was like Changbin had been blind his whole life, and someone had just now decided to hand him glasses that let him see everything clearly.

All those years of never wanting to leave Felix, those days of crying alone when Felix had gone back to Australia, those times when Changbin had wanted to cry at the tears that painted those freckled cheeks. Those weren’t Changbin being Felix’s best friend. Those were Changbin  _ loving _ Felix. 

He slammed his keys into the ignition, whipping out of the parking lot at speeds frowned upon by any sort of authority. He’d already wasted ten minutes of shock in the parking lot, he couldn’t afford to waste more time.

Felix had swim practice every day at four, and it was already three. He’d be leaving soon. It took half an hour to get to Felix’s house, twenty if Changbin ignored every traffic rule and self-preservation instinct ever ingrained in him. 

Changbin had already wasted four years of his life being as hopelessly blind as the girls he made fun of in those romantic comedies Felix liked to watch. He wasn’t wasting another second. There was no way he would pine his little heart away like a pitiful main character. 

He had feelings, and he was going to _do_ _something_ about it. Felix had stuck with him through his sexuality crisis, his parents’ divorce, even his bout of depression. Even if Felix didn’t reciprocate his feelings, he would never leave Changbin. 

On his way to Felix’s house, Changbin flashed back to times where his feelings were so obvious that he should have noticed them sooner.

There was that one time Felix had been home sick with the flu two years ago. Changbin flat out refused to go to school, despite his mother’s pleading. Instead, he went straight to Felix’s house, bypassing Felix’s parents and older brother and bursting into the boy’s room to find him sleeping peacefully. That whole day he only left Felix’s side to get a wet washcloth and more juice and crackers. He had shooed away Felix’s family, refusing to let anyone but himself take care of the boy. The next day Felix had barely remembered anything, but it’s still one of Changbin’s favorite memories of Felix. A sick Felix was a clingy one, and Changbin had been forced into hours of cuddling. It was worth it, even when he’d fallen sick a few days later.

Another time was after Changbin had befriended Chris last year. Felix had been dead-set on wanting a particular video game for Christmas. Changbin knew it was far too expensive for Felix’s parents to ever consider buying, so he’d worked extra hours at his lifeguarding job for months to save up. Two weeks before Christmas, he had dragged Chris along to wait for the release of the video game outside the store. They waited outside before dawn in the freezing cold, for three hours. Chris complained the entire time, but Changbin hadn’t said a word. When he finally laid his hands on Felix’s Christmas present and walked out the door, Chris asked him why he froze his butt off for one little game. Changbin had turned to him and firmly said that Felix had been waiting for  _ months _ to get a chance to play that game and if it made Felix happy, it was worth it. Chris had shut up immediately, smiling mysteriously as he gestured for Changbin to get in the car.

Perhaps the most telling moment was the first time Felix had called them “soulmates.” It was only three months after Felix had moved, and Felix had invited Changbin over to his house for the first time. The Australian had pushed off having Changbin over because he’d been too lazy to unpack his belongings. 

“It doesn’t feel like home yet,” Felix had whined.

“Maybe because you refuse to  _ make it _ feel like home,” Changbin had countered, and Felix had shut up pretty quickly after that.

They had just finished a race on Mario Kart, Felix had narrowly beaten Changbin, and both boys were strewn over the bed like limp rags. 

“I can’t believe I beat the all-powerful Changbin,” Felix had teased, eyes alight with joyous mischief.

“Shut up,” Changbin had groaned, “I  _ let _ you win. I’ll play you for real next time.”

“You let me win huh?” Felix had mused, “you know, only  _ soulmates _ let each other win.”

“What?” Changbin had questioned, “who on earth told you that Felix. Soulmates don’t exist.”

“Of course they do,” Felix pouted, and Changbin had let him be. Far be it from him to crush Felix’s fantasies. Changbin was more concerned with the way his stomach had fluttered and his heart skipped a beat at the word “soulmate” escaping Felix’s mouth.

He’d never felt it before, but he didn’t put much thought into it. It could’ve been the cheese spray they’d ingested an hour earlier. Goodness knows what they actually put in that stuff.

Changbin slammed his hand against the steering wheel and groaned. A red light.  _ Another _ red light. At this point he’d barely make it in time to see Felix.

Changbin couldn’t believe he’d really gone four years without realizing he was in love with his best friend. His turn signal couldn’t seem to believe it either. Every click seemed to say “tsk tsk, should’ve seen the signs.”

He really should have. It was so obvious looking back, but in the moment it was too easy to be caught up by Felix’s light and forget the rest of the world. Felix shone brighter than anyone Changbin knew. Sometimes he blinded Changbin’s mind with his smile, erasing every thought inside his head. It was easy to forget how he felt when Changbin was too busy focusing on Felix. 

Changbin turned onto Felix’s street, passing the two-story houses painted in every shade of white imaginable. Felix always complained about that.

_ “Why can’t they have more  _ color? _ They’re homes, they’re supposed to be  _ unique _.” _

_ “Not everyone can be as unique as you, Felix.” _

And it was true. Not everyone could rival the bright yellow house that Felix lived in, its black shingles dotted with every color of the rainbow. Changbin was pretty sure they didn’t even sell shingles like that. He wouldn’t be surprised if Felix had convinced his parents to custom-order them. It was just the sort of creative manipulation Felix would put into practice.

Changbin shook out his hands as he stepped out of his car. He had been so determined on the way here, but now, with Felix’s bright blue car still parked in the driveway, Changbin’s old insecurities were rising up.

Sill, he had to power through, if only to save face in front of Chris when the latter started teasing Changbin about not realizing his feelings for four years. It was the thought of the smirk falling off of Chris’ face that got Changbin to step over the curb and through the grass.

As Changbin walked the last few steps towards Felix’s front door, he marveled on how far he’d come. Just this morning he had turned in a biology lab and prepared to skim through the rest of the day at one percent brain capacity. Now here he was, brain fully wired and in possession of knowledge that had eluded him for four years. 

Maybe he should pull all-nighters more often if they led to such monumental discoveries.

Maybe Changbin should knock on the door. If he didn’t in the next ten seconds, he knew he would never get the courage to do it.

_ “Binnie have you ever wondered what it would be like to kiss me?” _

_ “Yes.” _

Yes. He would knock. He stepped up to the door, the one painted a blatant blood red after Felix had had an argument with his parents. Apparently buying red paint and painting their front door was Felix’s idea of rebellion. 

_ “Brilliant retaliation. Takes notes Binnie, this is the best idea I’ve ever had.” _

_ “You’re gonna get grounded… again. Just hand me that brush over there, did no one teach you how to paint doors? Honestly, it’s not even that hard. You just-” _

He knocked.

The silence that followed afterwards Changbin felt in his gut. It seeped into him and weighed him down with fear, but it disappeared at the opening of the door and the greeting of a smile brighter than sunshine. Teeth framed by perfect lips, the color of the watermelons Felix ate in the summer.

“Hey Felix, have you ever wondered what it would be like to kiss me?”

Changbin thought maybe… just maybe, soulmates existed after all.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this 10 months ago for a literary contest through my school but my teacher forgot to submit it on time. so basically that's why it's got a different vibe than my usual stories. I legit wrote and proofread this all in 3 and a half hours before the deadline. Wildest time writing a story.  
> I'm torn on whether to be embarrassed by the context of this fanfic or just say "mood" at basically all of Changbin's thoughts.


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